Marriage isn’t sustained by grand gestures alone. It’s built by ordinary people showing up faithfully, again and again.
Seventeen years ago (on June 13, 2009), Mercy and I stood before family, friends and God, and said, “I do.”
Looking back, our marriage story wasn’t built by two people alone.
Chauffeurs moved us. A counsellor strengthened us. A pastor blessed us amid his own battles. And God sustained us.
Here’s to seventeen years of showing up, growing up, and laughing through it all.
Back then, I thought marriage was mostly about finding the right person.
Seventeen years later, I realise it is equally about becoming the right person.
As we celebrate this milestone, my heart is filled with gratitude.
Not just for Mercy and the beautiful, not-so-perfect marriage we share.
But for the people and foundations God used to shape our story.
Because marriage, like African child-rearing, takes a village.
The Chauffeurs Who Drove Us into Married Life
Immediately after our wedding solemnisation at PCEA Bahati Martyrs’ Church and before the reception…
A group of friends took on one of the most critical assignments of the day. Getting us safely to our wedding venue, photoshoot and reception.
No pressure. Just the bride and groom.
Solomon. Masha. Louis. Joshua. And another gentleman whose name still escapes me seventeen years later (forgive me, brother!).
Thank you for moving us around seamlessly. Allowing us to savour the joy of the day.
Looking back, I realise you did more than chauffeur us. You accompanied us into a new season.
The Counsellor Who Burst Our Bubble
Enter Mrs. Jane Kiura.
I first encountered her during a youth seminar at PCEA Bahati, organised by Rev. Ngige. He was the youth pastor, then.
A year later, when Mercy and I became engaged, I instinctively knew she was the person we needed.
For six months, we sat in her office at Mariakani Guest House in South B.
She checked all the boxes: wisdom, warmth, confidentiality, and an uncanny ability to ask uncomfortable questions.
It was there that our excitement about weddings matured into conversations about marriage.
She helped me I discover that I carried unresolved mother wounds.
Growing up, my mother was physically present but emotionally absent due to mental illness.
It has taken years to appreciate how profoundly those early experiences shaped my emotional world and relationships.
In a previous blog, When Love Burns: Living Through the Fire of a Spouse’s Mental Breakdown, I shared more of my mother’s story and the ripple effects it had on our family.
Jane gently helped me recognise how some of those unhealed wounds had quietly found their way into our dating relationship.
She helped me understand how those experiences had shaped my expectations in relationships.
Without realising it, I expected Mercy to fill spaces she was never meant to occupy. Jane burst our romantic bubble.
And for that, seventeen years later, we remain profoundly grateful.
Premarital counselling didn’t just prepare us for the wedding day. It prepared us for ordinary Tuesdays.
The Pastor Who Showed Up Anyway
Then there was Rev. Alphonse Kanga.
At the time of our wedding, he had barely completed a year as Parish Minister at PCEA Bahati Martyrs’ Church.
Leadership wrangles swirled around him. Some openly challenged his leadership.
Others advocated for his removal. Yet amid the turbulence, he remained committed to shepherding God’s people.
Our wedding became the final ceremony he officiated. Before his transfer to PCEA Ngoingwa Church, on the outskirts of Thika.
I’ve often reflected on the irony. There he stood, joining our hands together while quietly fighting battles of his own.
As he declared,
“What God has joined together, let no man separate.”
He modelled resilience, faithfulness, and grace under pressure.
Rev. Kanga, thank you. You showed up.
The Foundations We Inherited
Mercy and I didn’t start from scratch.
We inherited much.
From our parents, we learned commitment, sacrifice, faith, and resilience.
From our churches, we learned the value of community, service, and dependence on God.
Were these foundations perfect? No. Neither are we.
But God, in His kindness, builds beautifully using imperfect materials.
Our marriage has known laughter. It has known disagreements.
It has weathered unemployment. Parenting anxieties. Health concerns.
Disappointments, and countless opportunities to practise forgiveness.
To Mercy
Mercy, thank you for showing up for the wedding… on time.
And thank you for staying. You’ve loved consistently.
Prayed faithfully. Steadied our family.
Celebrated victories. Absorbed disappointments.
I still love your baby face and that hearty laughter that first caught my attention.
But even more, I admire the woman you’ve become.
Resilient, prayerful, wise, and deeply committed to those you love.
Looking at our photos, I realise the smiles haven’t changed. They’ve simply matured.
Thank you for not leaving, after discovering what exactly you had signed up for.
Gratitude Above All
Above chauffeurs. Above counsellors.
Above pastors. Above family.
We thank God.
Because marriage isn’t sustained by compatibility alone.
It requires grace. The grace to forgive.
The grace to change. The grace to stay.
Seventeen years later, our marriage isn’t perfect.
But it is ours. And it is beautiful.
If you’re preparing for marriage, invest more energy into building a strong foundation than planning a flawless wedding.
If you’re already married, keep showing up.
Love matures. Friendship deepens. Grace sustains.
And sometimes, the greatest testimony isn’t that you’ve never struggled.
It’s that you’re still standing together.
Here’s to seventeen years.
And by God’s grace, many more.
#17YearsAndCounting #MarriageJourney #StillShowingUp #WhatGodHasJoined #LoveMatured #FaithAndFamily #GratefulHeart
Comment Prompt
For those who are married: who helped shape your marriage journey in ways you didn’t fully appreciate at the time?
And for those preparing for marriage: what foundation are you building beneath the wedding plans?
I’d love to hear your stories below.
Joseph Ngaara is inspired by people’s stories, especially those shaped by faith, resilience, and grace. If you’ve walked through triumph, tragedy, or something beautifully in between and feel ready to share, my inbox is open. 📩 j.mungai@hotmail.co.uk
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I love the encouragement, keep showing up, with God’s help. Thanks for the reminder. Sisi hao 14 years in November.
Very powerful message glory to God