Plight of the Divorced Pastor

Your goodness is running after me. Kibet played this song on the keyboard as Pastor Milton made an altar call after a ‘heavy‘ and ‘impactful‘ sermon. There was a turn up of more than 200 congregants coming forward to be laid hands on for various life issues that bedeviled them during the week. Pastor Milton was well revered in this church.

His long stripped suits, matching tie and pointed shoes created a transcendence aura around him.

He led a busy life, considering his pulpit ministry on Sundays, an Events management company, an Orphan children’s home that he ran on the side, besides his rental apartments splashed across Muchatha, Mwimuto and Gachie semi-rural towns, neighboring Ruaka.

Kibet and Pastor Milton had a ride or die relationship. It was Pastor Milton who embraced Kibet the first time he set foot in Nairobi. Owing to his poverty-ridden background, his parents couldn’t afford educating him past form 4. As had been custom with the elder siblings, Kibet was sent to try out his luck in Nairobi, living with his aunt in the city of many lights.

His aunt was more of a caretaker than a second parent. Kibet was left on his own and charted his own path, which led him to Pastor Milton’s God’s Healing Centre church, situated 200m from his aunt’s house in Ruaka.

With little to occupy his time, Kibet would be in church most days during the week to catch any activity that would need a hand or head. Having lots of time in his hands helped him learn how to play the keyboard and nurture his singing talent in the church. It didn’t take long, before Pastor Milton noticed Kibet’s growing interest and consistent availability.

Soon enough he was elected the youth chairman, a prestigious role. However, college going students in the church were his constant source of pain. Largely because of all the English they used to speak during midweek fellowship and gathering after the church service. Since he couldn’t keep up with their vibe, he was gently asked to step down, and pave way for their own to lead them.

That’s how he ended up in the Praise and Worship team where English fluency wasn’t a criteria, but one’s ability or effort to hit and sing the right notes. With a church hired choir teacher to boot, he stretched their vocals to the highest and built up an impressive band-cum-choir that raised the profile of the God’s Healing Centre church, to Pastor Milton’s delight. In no time, three years flew past and Kibet remained the incessant church mouse, always on the keyboard during the week and on Sundays.

Pastor Milton had not only raised him spiritually, but also empowered him economically by hooking him up with Elder Makori, a church leader, who was running a matatu business plying Githurai-Town route. Kibet started off as kamagera, then conductor, before graduating to a driver, and reaching the apex of Pastor’s righthand man and Fleet Manager for Elder Makori’s 10 public service vehicles. It was this trust with the Pastor and his inner circle that ushered Kibet into the world of business rivalry, church politics, compromise and interacting with the ‘human side’ of Men of God.

In those early years, as Kibet’s star rose, a section of the women’s group almost started an insurrection, asserting that Pastor Milton needed a wife, otherwise he lacked the authority to lead the church. A few men, attempted to tone down this pressure, quoting scriptures about Jesus and Paul being unmarried, but that narrative fell on deaf ears.

It wasn’t long before a potential brown-skin bride was introduced to Pastor Milton by the same women’s group and their wedding fast forwarded like a radio cassette tape! A little drama almost called off the wedding, had it not been for the brevity of one of the Pastor’s boys who forced entry into the bride’s parents’ home, snatching her through the backdoor, leaving a shattered window and drove her to the wedding venue like bull on steroids.

This bulldozing was all because, the bride’s parents had objected to the wedding and effectively stood in the way of Pastor Milton’s honor and dignity. The devout women’s group could have none of that nonsense! Such was the shaky and rocky launching on which their marriage took off. Fast forward and 16 years later, their marriage imploded from accusations of the wife’s violence towards the Pastor, her disruptive behavior in church, conspiring with some elders to tarnish his reputation, selling house items with no consultation, and a host of other intentions that were read in the divorce court.

The wife didn’t take the accusations lying low. She countered with her own narrative that the Pastor was cheating with a youth member and neglecting his responsibilities in the home. The gush of accusations wasn’t like a sudden forceful burst of the water pipe, rather a perpetual leakage that persisted through their 16 years of marriage. It was a slow death of love.

What had been a tangle between the Pastor and his lawfully wedded wife, spilled over into the church and wrangles took all forms and shapes. If it wasn’t the church procurement committee fighting over conflict of interest in an IT equipment tender, it was the women fighting to control their investment in a guest house listed on Airbnb or the youth arguing over whether to go hiking at Elephant hills or bowling at Village market.

They were busy sweating the small stuff over things that won’t matter when the roll is called up yonder. The seed of discord was generously sowed, splitting the congregation in the middle.

Unfortunately, Elder Makori and his wife led the brigade that disparaged the Pastor. In a huff, they took off with half of the congregation to plant Jesus’ Healing Centre church. Kibet pledged allegiance to the Pastor, since he had mentored him in many ways, and as a result lost his Fleet Manager’s job in Elder Makori’s matatu business.

What followed was an acrimonious divorce process between Pastor Milton and his wife. For Kibet, interfacing with the ‘human side’ of Men of God got him used to walking on eggshells. Pastor Milton had been Kibet’s god-father, having connected him with a source of livelihood, presided over his wedding wedding, counseled him on countless life matters and filled the father-gap that kept yawning in his adult life. For this and many other reasons, he chose to be the friend who loves at all times and a brother to the Pastor, in his time of adversity.

Two years later, the divorce was concluded. The law separated what God had put together. Pastor lost custody of his two teenage children and a huge chunk of his properties were attached as alimony. His divorce was a horrible personal loss. He described the experience to Kibet as feeding on saw dust everyday and drowning it with car battery water. A horrendous tear, too deep to be repaired.

Not only did it strip him of his family, children and property but also his honor and dignity as a human being. More so, considering that in divorce/family court the litigants aren’t listed by their names, rather by their initials. This effort protects their privacy, but at the cost of identity loss, as he was to referred as ‘M’ and not Pastor Milton, in the cause list!

During this time, he had received lots of backlash from his diehard congregants and his parting ways with Elder Makori left him bleeding emotionally. Enough stones were thrown at him without restraint, as he got castigated for his inability to hold his family together.

The remaining church elders were torn between relieving him of his pastoral duties and handing over the reigns to Kibet.

By this time, he had groomed Kibet to not only lead the worship team but also coordinate Sunday school activities where English fluency wasn’t a criteria either. By all means Kibet looked the part, in terms of stepping up to leadership, but the timing wasn’t ripe. What the church elders didn’t know at the time, is that Kibet’s marriage was also on the rocks.

He had barely survived a recent episode of marital unfaithfulness and a child was born outside his marriage. This remained a tightly held confession-cum-secret between Kibet and the Pastor. Kibet’s wife wasn’t aware until she consistently observed a two-year old girl walk up to him as he sat down after playing the keyboard. She curled herself comfortably on his lap.

This kid would walk between her mother (whom he had cheated with) and Kibet during the church service. Such innocence was so clueless of the danger she was exposing their love-cheat affair. To his woe, Kibet had never brought up the affair issue with his wife, but kept it under wraps waiting for Christ’s return.

It wasn’t until his wife became too curious with the comfort this kid was finding on his lap that the lid was lifted. Kibet kept deferring the disclosure moment, but there’s a time-limit to how long one can hold an inflated balloon under water.

Kibet never satisfied his wife’s curiosity on this mysterious child. She kept threatening to take matters in her own hands and confront the child’s mother.

What Kibet didn’t know was his no-holds-barred wife planned to confront the woman in church!

So, on this Sunday after the worship team peeled off from the pulpit and Kibet took his usual seat. The devil was serving himself a buffet meal, as the child of God walked up to him with excitement and positioned herself on his lap.

That was all the cue that Kibet’s wife needed to charge forward, shouting at the mother’s kid, ‘Take your bastard child off my husband!’ The child’s mother was equally a straight forward woman who shot from the hip. She didn’t take the insult lying low like an antelope. She ranted back, ‘Ask your husband who’s child he is holding!’

All hell broke loose as the stupefied congregation watched a shouting match between Kibet’s wife and his fling, which degenerated into a cat fight, and an unmanageable chaotic scene that the newly divorced Pastor couldn’t contain.

Kibet slumped on his chair like a sedated hippo, wishing the earth would open up and swallow him (and the kid) alive! Just how does one live through such a moment! His cat was out of the bag and there was nowhere to hide.

There was no sermon that day. The church service ended. Broadcast (and Social) media people showed up and Pastor addressed them with a half torn shirt, blaming the events on the double minded adherents of the splinter church group who had stayed behind to scatter the remaining congregants.

Pastor Milton was viciously being fought at this time, and this event added fodder to his arch-rivals. It did not matter, that Kibet his potential replacement was also on the verge of losing his marriage. Both shepherds had been struck and the sheep was scattering fast!

Two years on and the absurdity faded off. Kibet’s wife’s anger and bitterness was partially healed. She clutched at the straws of what remained of their marriage, but gave up on church. They worked out an arrangement that Kibet would support the illegitimate child but not have contact or relationship with the kid’s mother.

Such is the foolishness when desire is conceived, sin is birthed and becomes fully grown, resulting in death. Emotional, relational and spiritual death.

As a result of all the drama, God’s Healing Centre church congregation dwindled from their regular attendance of 2,000 to 200 members. Such was the resilience of those who believed in Pastor Milton’s vision and calling. Another church congregation was hived off after Kibet’s wife’s dramatic incidence, named Holy Spirit’s Healing Centre.

A year after the divorce case, Kibet bumped into the church compound unannounced and found a Landcruiser V8 parked near Pastor Milton’s office, next to his Toyota Fielder.

He walked straight into Pastor’s office where he found a middle aged woman, manicured to the teeth and spotting Brazilian hair, chatting with the Pastor. She was dazzling, as one who had just stepped out of a magazine photo shoot! Pastor introduced her as his fiancée and the look on Kibet’s eyes betrayed him. Cupid’s arrow had struck again and there was on turning back.

The following week, Pastor Milton made his marriage intentions known to Ruaka for Jesus Pastors’ Forum, an interdenominational monthly gathering of pastors in the peri-urban town of Ruaka, where he was a founding member. His divorce case had never been an agenda item, but was mostly discussed in hushed tones among the attending pastors.

To avert a potential backlash and fallout in the pastors’ fellowship, Pastor Milton had briefed the forum’s chair and begged for his wisdom in moderating his presentation of the bride to the fellowship. The two mooted what they thought was a water-tight plan, on how to manage expectations and counter the noise-making and divisive pastors during that discussion. Eventually, they hoped to rally their support for Pastor Milton’s remarriage.

The announcement was made on a Tuesday afternoon meeting and members asked not to deliberate further, but pray for Pastor Milton and his new bride. She was imposingly present at that meeting. Members felt muzzled and weren’t convinced that the right doctrine was being upheld in that matter.

During tea break they counter argued quietly among themselves, each quoting and holding a verse from a physical bible s/he was holding, as mobile bible apps were frowned at among them.

Most were referencing Paul’s admonition to Timothy his protégé about an overseer, elder and pastor being a husband to one wife and should be above reproach. There was consensus among the whispers with societal expectations and ecclesiastical standards, that a divorced pastor should be excluded from the gospel ministry.

Some pastors threatened to sign out forever from the forum, while others appealed to Pastor Milton to pray back, forgive and be reunited with his first love. Hilarious comparisons were made with Kenya’s 2007/8 post election violence and how Kenyans forgave one another and moved on.

The younger and more suave pastors opined that if an elder pastor couldn’t reconcile with his family then what kind of example was he setting for them and their congregations. Clearly the pastors were living in a glass church by drawing mental blood against their kind.

The forum’s chair and its leadership suffered collateral damage for presumably propagating unbiblical teachings and practices on divorce and re-marriage.

The pastors’ forum meeting ended in confusion. Three weeks later, Pastor Milton privately wedded the second love of his life. She was a fairly wealthy widow. It was an invites-only wedding that was heavily guarded. Once bitten twice shy.

Pastor Milton uploaded on Facebook their wedding and honeymoon photos for all to see. He was bold, courageous and controversial, all the survival facets needed to run God’s Healing Centre church, whose congregation had dwindled the third and probably last time.

His church billboard photo was quickly replaced to include the new bride. Divorce and remarriage are a form of personal rebranding, and Pastor fronted himself as the Goodwill Ambassador for these uncelebrated marriage survivors.

He actively championed their cause both on broadcast and social media. On his gospel radio program he called out the widows, widowers and divorcees to come out and claim their stake in the kingdom of God.

All this passion ignited ridicule and unsolicited cyberbullying from within and without the church. As if disregarding Kenny Rogers Coward of the county lyrics, ‘son you don’t have to fight to be a man‘, Pastor Milton viciously fought back those who trashed his beliefs and teachings on second chances in marriage.

One can only fight for so long. Pastor Milton had exhausted his days in battle. He was fast becoming a spent force. Two years into his second marriage, he experienced an emotional toll, mounting from his new family, struggling church and naysayers who were hell bent on seeing his downfall. He was bedridden in a community hospital for a month and suicidal inclinations could be spotted from his erratic Facebook postings.

In a couple of recent updates, he deleted his honeymoon and wedding anniversary photos and scaled down to Trump-like shadow boxing tweets.

But even when heavily wounded and held by the throat to the ground, sometimes you gotta fight when you’re a man! Pastor Milton like the rest of the judgmental folk, continues to reap the painful consequences of his choices, but there’s no doubt that God’s goodness is still running after him.

This is a true story. Names and details have been changed to protect family privacy. Views expressed on this article are my own

Joseph N. Mungai is inspired by people’s life experiences. Do you have a intriguing life story and need a ghost writer? Email: j.mungai@hotmail.co.uk